Discipline has received a lot of bad press as 1 the enemy of personal freedom. The reasoning 2 is that if you want children to grow up free 3 and to develop their own unique potential, then 4 you really don't want to break their spirit by 5 imposing your will on them. 6 7 To discipline a child means to punish him for 8 doing something wrong. It involves holding the 9 child accountable for living up to your expecta-10 tions. In general, we do not like to have to 11 discipline. Even though we want a child to live12 up to our standards, we would like them to do so13 because they want to rather than because we 14 are making them do it. 15 16 We would like to have our children behave. In 17 fact, we would like our children's behavior to 18 be such that we do not have to worry about what 19 they are doing. We would like to be able to 20 trust them to use sound judgment regardless of 21 the circumstancess that they find themselves in.22 23 We want our children to demonstrate self-disci- 24 pline as they go through life. We would like 25 them to stick to things that matter and to say 26 no to things that take them from the "right" 27 path, whether these distractions come from 28 others or from personal weakness. 29 30 Self-discipline is a virtue. 31 32 Self-control gives us choice and allows us to 33 choose what we will do when confronted by life. 34 35 When we have a lot of control, we can even make 36 ourselves do something that we really do not 37 want to do, but is in our best interest or for 38 the good of those around us. 39 40 Children, in particular, are likely to want to 41 do things that are either dangerous or disturb- 42 ing to those around them. Indeed, children 43 do things for no better reason than to see what 44 will happen if they do it. In order to remain 45 safe and to get along with those around them, 46 some measure of control is called for. 47 48 The amount of control necessary is really a 49 matter of judgment. When is a child safe? 50 What does it take to get along with others and 51 to make it in society? These are questions that52 have no single answer. 53 54 If an adult has problems deciding these things 55 with all of the experience and learning that has56 taken place, a child is in no position to make 57 such judgments. A child must depend on @2 58 caretakers to keep @1 safe. They need to show 59 @1 the limits of safety so @3 can survive and 60 thrive in the world. Ideally, these limits also61 provide ample room for self-expression 62 63 64 Children do not come into the world with a 65 sense of what the limits ought to be. They 66 learn any sense of what works and will keep 67 them safe. They watch, listen, and experiment. 68 As the result of their experiences, they learn 69 the limits to place on their behavior. They 70 learn what will happen if they do not live 71 within the limits and they struggle to keep 72 their behavior within these limits. 73 74 Anything that makes learning these difficult, 75 complex lessons easier is helpful. Clarity, 76 predictability, understandability are useful, as77 are lessons which are not too taxing and are 78 fun or rewarding. 79 80 Children cannot begin to keep their behavior 81 within the limits if they do not understand what82 the limits are or what is expected of them. 83 84 They pick up what is acceptable or expected from85 what people tell them and by what they do. To a86 child, what someone does is far more important 87 than what they say. Words only have importance 88 when they expand on deeds. 89 90 When we watch the world, we pick up many 91 attitudes and methods. Children are even more 92 tuned to example than we are. They model or 93 copy behavior from you and have an uncanny 94 ability to know if you mean it. 95 96 The lives we lead are not simple and the 97 world we prepare our children for is equally 98 complex. What works or is acceptable in one 99 place may not work or be acceptable in another. 100 For example, what works at school or with 101 friends may not be tolerated at home. 102 103 As we gain more experience, we learn to make 104 distinctions. We learn when rules apply and 105 why they apply. Some of these distinctions can 106 be made before things happen, others can only be107 made as the result of experience. 108 109 One of the most powerful tools you can give a 110 child is the ability to learn from experience. 111 112 Control implies a lot of different things. 113 114 First, it implies that things can be controlled.115 For a child that often means the capacity to 116 control @1 self. 117 118 Second, control means that whatever is happening119 will not push you beyond your capacity to under-120 stand or manage. 121 122 Finally, control means that you can draw on the 123 strengths that you have available and that you 124 will not give into your weaknesses. 125 126 127 128 Whether or not you control your behavior is up 129 to you. You have to want to exercise control. 130 You have to have reasons to do so. 131 132 Two types of things supply reasons for control- 133 ling your behavior: you want what you will get 134 for doing so (the rewards) or you want to avoid 135 the things that happen if you don't control 136 your behavior (the punishments). 137 138 Both internal and external rewards give you 139 reasons to do something. Punishments give you 140 reasons to avoid doing something, but they do 141 not give you reasons to do something right. 142 Discipline rests on reward and punishment. 143 144 Much of our behavior is under control of what 145 will happen to us if we do it and what the 146 consequences will be if we do not do it. 147 148 When we expect others to reward us for what we 149 do, or anticipate their displeasure if we do not150 do it, our behavior is externally controlled. 151 If we control our behavior in order to seek an 152 internal sense of satisfaction or to avoid a 153 sense of dissatisfaction, our behavior is inter-154 nally controlled. 155 In either case, we are disciplined. Our behav- 156 ior is predictable. If we are externally con- 157 trolled, our behavior is predictable when some- 158 one is there to reward or to punish us. 159 160 Here, I will define discipline for you and help 161 you understand how I use this concept. This 162 will help orient you for what I have to offer. 163 164 165 This information is presented on ten different 166 screens. Each screen contains information on 167 one facet of discipline. Additional detailed 168 information on each facet is available if you 169 want to see it. 170 171 In this section, I am simply providing you with 172 information. I will not ask you any questions. 173 174 Go through it at your own pace. 175 176 177 178